im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
