I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
