Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
