My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
