I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
