I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
