I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
