I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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