So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
