Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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