Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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