Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
