The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
