somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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