I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
