There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
