You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
