Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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