drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
