i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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