Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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