Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
