My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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