I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
