he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
