btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
