and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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