I think my vagina is haunted
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
