i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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