I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
