I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
