Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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