the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
