just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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