sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
