How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
