woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
