spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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