some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
