The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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