sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
