I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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