The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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