before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
