Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize