Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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