Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
