you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
