life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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