you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
