I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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