return my video game
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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