Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
