he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
