you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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