I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
