that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
