I'm so fucking centered right now
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
bring money and cleavage
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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