She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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