I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
