And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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