if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
