if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize