omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
