is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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