Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
