apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize