Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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