I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
