Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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