i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
