ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
