You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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