So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
