I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
