I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
