I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
