i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
