We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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