census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
